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GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME FOR THE ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF-EXAMINATION
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are
gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have
spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing
the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,
but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has
a delicate touch except when it uses its nails and whines to be fed.
And just think about how you call a dog ... "Killer, come here! I said get
your ass over here, Killer!" Nowthink about how you call a cat ...
"Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Geeeez, you're fit to be
framed,you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs
feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko
and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world
is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf, mocha-lattes with skim milk,you like a high
hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be hard, strong, black, and full
aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf no foam
Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial
sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man
there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types
of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A
real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of
that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league,
NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse
or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY
type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying
to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk
at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he
needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer,
or play with his honey in the passenger seat.
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Ryan
99 Suburban-Daily Driver
94 Integra-SOLD
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