|
 
         |
11-17-2005, 02:30 PM
|
#26 (permalink) |
|
VM Member
Posts: 4,843
Location: K-Town
Join Date: Jul 2004
Ride: 1990, Acura Integra
Fav Mod: Recaro's/TIEN Class: Street |
good gay joke
------------------ l B16 l ACT l NGK l Rays l Clarion l Boston l KVR l AEM l Energy Suspension l TEIN l Suspension Technique\'s l Skunk2 l Recaro l Sparco l under standing of physics, know how to do some minor plumbing, carpentry, and general house repairs(<done), learn italian, 'finish my car'(done), buy a computer(done), and get a job at toyota - - -i have a lot to do in a year" Want to know go rallying?! It's local! http://www.kwrc.on.ca/ |
|
|
|
11-18-2005, 04:55 AM
|
#27 (permalink) |
|
VM Member
Posts: 10,549
Location: kdub
Join Date: Nov 2003
Ride: 2004 Subaru Impreza
Fav Mod: Class: Street |
An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong. "Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My private part died today, and I am very sad." Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences." The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his private part hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy. "Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your private part back inside your pajamas." But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my private part died." "Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" asked Nurse Tracy. "Well," he replied. "Today's the viewing ------------------  Sometimes we don't do things we want to do so others wont know we want to do them. |
|
|
|
|
11-18-2005, 08:08 AM
|
#28 (permalink) |
|
Veteran User
Posts: 5,298
Location: Kdub
Join Date: Nov 2003
Ride:
Fav Mod: Class: |
So a newfie comes home from class and asks his father.
"dad why i am da best in mat in my turd grade class?" (turd=third  )dad responds "thats cause yur a newfie dare by" boy comes home again from his grade three class the next day "dad, why am I da best in geography in my class dar?" father replies "thats cause yur a newfie dare by" son comes back from class the following day: "dad, i was in gym dare today eh, and i had da biggest penus of all da boys dare" dad replies in a calm manner "dats because yur 18 years old by" asf asdf asdfasdfasfdas dfasfasdf asdfas dfs |
|
|
|
|
11-18-2005, 03:08 PM
|
#32 (permalink) |
|
VM Member
Posts: 4,479
Location: Sydney, Australia
Join Date: Jul 2004
Ride: 1998 VW Golf CL
Fav Mod: Class: Street |
A guy goes to Florida for a fishing trip and charters a boat. He catches tons of fish. Drinks tons of beer and is having a great time but eventually get's horny. He goes to the captian.
"Man this trip is great, but what do you guys do when you want to work one out." The captain expalins, "Well you see that barrel on the back of the boat? There is a hole in it. Just go over there and stick it in and take care of business. It feels good. The man replies, "Man that is great!" Captain: "Yeah and you can use the barrel as much as your want, except on Tuesdays." Man: "What's the deal on Tuesdays?" Captain: "That's your day in the barrell. Arrrrrggh" ------------------ --- Down Under --- |
|
|
|
|
11-19-2005, 01:49 AM
|
#35 (permalink) |
|
VM Member
Posts: 4,843
Location: K-Town
Join Date: Jul 2004
Ride: 1990, Acura Integra
Fav Mod: Recaro's/TIEN Class: Street |
what did the mexican fireman name his two sons??
Hose A and Hose B!!! (say it outloud if you dont' get it dumbass) BUAAAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHA   ------------------ l B16 l ACT l NGK l Rays l Clarion l Boston l KVR l AEM l Energy Suspension l TEIN l Suspension Technique\'s l Skunk2 l Recaro l Sparco l under standing of physics, know how to do some minor plumbing, carpentry, and general house repairs(<done), learn italian, 'finish my car'(done), buy a computer(done), and get a job at toyota - - -i have a lot to do in a year" Want to know go rallying?! It's local! http://www.kwrc.on.ca/ |
|
|
|
|
11-19-2005, 01:59 AM
|
#36 (permalink) |
|
Veteran User
Posts: 6,630
Location: London Ontario Canada
Join Date: Sep 2004
Ride:
Fav Mod: Class: |
THIS IS A TERRIBLE JOKE
Newfies versus USA President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang. "Hallo, President Bush" a heavily accented voice said. This is Archie, up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland,Canada ey? I am callin' to tell ya dat we are officially declaring war on you ey!" "Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!" George paused. I must tell you Archie, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Archie?", George asked. "Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor." President Bush sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke." Lard T'underin' Jaysus, bye", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya." Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four byes from the Legion have joined us as well!" George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" "Jeysus, Mary and Joseph," said Archie,"I'll have ta call youse back." Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Bush! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war." "I'm sorry to hear that" said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?" Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners." |
|
|
|
|
11-19-2005, 02:21 AM
|
#37 (permalink) |
|
VM Member
Posts: 758
Location: Waterloo/T-Dot, ON
Join Date: Oct 2005
Ride: 1994, Honda Integra RS
Fav Mod: 98 Spec B18C Class: Street |
............................ u were rite
------------------ April DB8......comin' to a street near you. Formerly known as Baby GSR. |
|
|
|
|
11-20-2005, 02:47 AM
|
#39 (permalink) |
|
I Drive A Chevy Because I Dont Have To Compensate For Anything!
Posts: 1,583
Location: cambridge/milton
Join Date: Jul 2005
Ride: 98 chevy lumina SS
Fav Mod: cams and lifters! Class: Street |
newfie love!
------------------ !~-PANASONIC-MTX-MEMPHIS-KICKER-PHOENIX GOLD-ALPINE-PROLINK-RAPTOR-KNUKONCEPTZ~!AND 0 GAUGE WELDING CABLE!!! |
|
|
|
|
11-22-2005, 05:20 PM
|
#40 (permalink) |
|
VM Member
Posts: 1,470
Location: woodstock
Join Date: Jul 2005
Ride: 1999 Chevrolet Suburban
Fav Mod: Class: |
A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the
street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said. "Did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it. The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you've got there sir. Did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top." ------------------ Ryan 99 Suburban-Daily Driver 94 Integra-SOLD |
|
|
|
|
11-22-2005, 05:23 PM
|
#42 (permalink) |
|
VM Member
Posts: 1,470
Location: woodstock
Join Date: Jul 2005
Ride: 1999 Chevrolet Suburban
Fav Mod: Class: |
A Dad is on his way home a bit late from the office when he realizes
that it's his daughter's birthday and he has not bought her a gift. So he stops at a toy store to buy his daughter a Barbie. Inside he sees a Barbie display and asks the salesgirl how much the Barbies are. The girl responds: "Which one? We have: Gymnasium Barbie: $19.95 Volleyball Barbie: $19.95 Sho pping Barbie: $19.95 Surfer Barbie: $19.95 Disco Barbie: $19.95 and?Divorced Barbie: $299.95 Shocked, the man asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $299.95 when all the other Barbies are $19.95?" Exasperated, the girl responds: "Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with": Ken's Car Ken's House Ken's Boat Ken's furniture Ken's jewelry Ken's money Ken's computer, and Ken's best friend... ------------------ Ryan 99 Suburban-Daily Driver 94 Integra-SOLD |
|
|
|
|
11-23-2005, 09:40 AM
|
#44 (permalink) |
|
VM Member
Posts: 4,479
Location: Sydney, Australia
Join Date: Jul 2004
Ride: 1998 VW Golf CL
Fav Mod: Class: Street |
A young boy was sitting on the side walk with a small bottle of sulphuric acid, pouring drops on the ants as they crawled past.
A priest passing by saw this, and approached the boy. "Good morning, young man. What are you doing with that little bottle?" he asked politely. "I'm burning the ants with the acid," the boy replied. Thinking that a bottle of acid was perhaps a bit dangerous for a small boy to play with, the priest thought of how he could persuade the boy to part with it. "I have a bottle of holy water here that you could put on the ants instead," said the priest. "No way!" said the boy, "I'd rather have this bottle." "But mine is special holy water," said the priest. "What's so special about it?" enquired the boy. "Aha!" said the priest, "I once put a drop of this on a woman's belly .. and she passed a child ..." "That's nothing!" exclaimed the boy, "I once put a drop of this on a dog's balls, and he passed a Kawasaki!" ------------------ --- Down Under --- |
|
|
|
|
11-23-2005, 10:10 AM
|
#45 (permalink) |
|
VM Member
Posts: 4,479
Location: Sydney, Australia
Join Date: Jul 2004
Ride: 1998 VW Golf CL
Fav Mod: Class: Street |
A rabbit is hopping through the forest when he stumbles upon a deer rolling a joint. The rabbit says "Hey buddy, don't do that, come running with me through the forest, it'll be much more fun!". The deer drops the joint and goes running with the rabbit through the forest.
The two then find an elephant about to snort some coke, when the rabbit exclaims "Friend, don't do that, come running with us, it'll be much better!" The elephant agrees and goes running with them through the forest. They then come up to a lion that's about to shoot up. Before the rabbit can open his mouth, the lion punches the rabbit in the face and knocks him out. The deer screams out "Lion! What are you doing, he was trying to help us!" The lion replies "That fucker always makes me run with him through the forest when he's on Ecstasy" ------------------ --- Down Under --- |
|
|
|
|
11-23-2005, 02:11 PM
|
#46 (permalink) |
|
VM Member
Posts: 34
Location: Kitchener
Join Date: Aug 2005
Ride:
Fav Mod: Class: |
A paralegal was approached by a handsome man in a bar and had a one-night-stand without ever finding anything out about him.
When asked by her best friend to identify the new lover, she was puzzled: "All I know for sure is that he was a lawyer - he made me do all the work" ------------------ Lori |
|
|
|
not laughing