The Official Joke Thread - Page 5 - #1 Car Club In Kitchener - Waterloo - Cambridge

**loui3** · 01-24-2006, 08:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Barker_a02

hope no one takes offence..

what's the difference between a hard workin black guy and bigfoot?
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Bigfoot's been spotted

nice nice nice I love black joke's
I like to think of it as giving back to my community lolololol
I'm honestly not a racest thow!

**m33how** · 01-24-2006, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 96escortlx

It sounds better when you get the punch line right...

clerk then replies = the muslim ones tend to blow themselves up.

i had to translate it from polish to english man cut me some slack

**crxforum** · 01-25-2006, 04:40 AM

On the night before the election Paul Martin, Steve Harper and Jack Layton are flying to Ottawa to prepare for the event. On the way there to pass time Jack Layton says:

"If I take a $100 bill and throw it out the window of this plane It will make one person really happy.

Steve Harper looks at Jack and says:

"Well if I take 10 $10 bills and throw them out of the plane it will make 10 people happy wont it Jack?"

Paul Martin looking over while rolling his eyes at both of them says:

"Hell if I take 100 loonies and toss them off the plane I would make 100 people happy wouldnt I guys?"

The stewardess is standing close and hearing the conversation and chimed in with her view:

"Hey guys, if I took all 3 of you and tossed you out of the window of this plane I would make 30 million people happy so sit down and shut up!"

CRX Forum

**m33how** · 01-25-2006, 10:10 AM

^^^^ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THATS THE BEST POLITICAL JOKE !!

**Barky** · 01-26-2006, 01:14 AM

how many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

only one, but he'd rather sit in the dark and cry about it!

**ChippedFire** · 01-26-2006, 06:27 AM

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in he realizes it's a gay bar.

"What the heck," he says to himself, "I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name
of your willy?"

The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a
drink."

The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me
the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan
'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of thebar calls his
SNICKERS, because 'It really Satisfies."

The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give
him a second to think it over.

So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a
beer,"Hey bud, what's the name of yours?"

The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."
The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, "
'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!'"

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who
happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys
call yours?"

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because
"'Quality is Job One" Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"

The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY.....'Like a Rock!'
And gives a wink!

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes
up with a name for his manhood.

Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my willy
is SECRET. Now give me a beer."

The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look
asks, "Why Secret?"

The cowboy says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A
WOMAN

**neonSRT** · 01-26-2006, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crxforum

On the night before the election Paul Martin, Steve Harper and Jack Layton are flying to Ottawa to prepare for the event. On the way there to pass time Jack Layton says:

"If I take a $100 bill and throw it out the window of this plane It will make one person really happy.

Steve Harper looks at Jack and says:

"Well if I take 10 $10 bills and throw them out of the plane it will make 10 people happy wont it Jack?"

Paul Martin looking over while rolling his eyes at both of them says:

"Hell if I take 100 loonies and toss them off the plane I would make 100 people happy wouldnt I guys?"

The stewardess is standing close and hearing the conversation and chimed in with her view:

"Hey guys, if I took all 3 of you and tossed you out of the window of this plane I would make 30 million people happy so sit down and shut up!"

CRX Forum

KAZING! thats awesome Mike!!!:hail::hail::hail:

**waterloobiker** · 01-27-2006, 01:32 AM

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost."

They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh, yeah, sorry about that." the husband replied.

"No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes- I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."

"OK, great!" the husband said. “I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem-it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife.

"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.

"Consider it done." the genie replied.

"And what's your wish, genie?” the husband said.

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care." The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.

After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"

"35." she replied.

"And he still believes in genies? That's amazing."

**loui3** · 01-27-2006, 05:23 AM

Anyone hear about the new christina aguilera edition ipod?............................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .........It does the same thing's as all the other one's, But this one will suck your dick!:willynil:

**loui3** · 01-27-2006, 07:38 AM

what's the difference between a park bench and a black guy?

a park bench can support a family!

**Little_Dragon** · 01-27-2006, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loui3

what's the difference between a park bench and a black guy?

a park bench can support a family!

Oooooo..... ouch!

here's one for ya......

Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?"

Farmer: "That's right."

Attorney: "Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?"

Farmer: "When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I've never felt better in my life."

**m33how** · 01-28-2006, 08:48 PM

^^^ hahahaahahaahaha thats a good one.

**crxforum** · 01-29-2006, 03:12 PM

What the good thing about having an emo lawn?

It cuts itself.

CRX Forum

**m33how** · 01-29-2006, 04:58 PM

^^^^ Lmfao !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! Best Emo Joke Ever .

**CynCyn** · 01-29-2006, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loui3

what's the difference between a park bench and a black guy?

a park bench can support a family!

thats so rasist

[ but funny ]

**loui3** · 02-01-2006, 06:56 PM

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .

12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

:willynil: :willynil: :willynil:

**ryoni** · 02-04-2006, 07:47 AM

thats a good one i have heard it b4 but still makes me laugh

daddy junior and the spook!!

**White Coupe** · 02-04-2006, 04:40 PM

and this is for the polish mafia on here

**CynCyn** · 02-06-2006, 06:34 PM

lol love the caw hahahaahah

**loui3** · 02-11-2006, 01:32 PM

Q: How do you confuse an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.:hail:

**ryoni** · 02-11-2006, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loui3

Q: How do you confuse an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.:hail:

wow just wow

**Barky** · 02-12-2006, 05:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loui3

Q: How do you confuse an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.:hail:

jesus, lol... didn't see that comin....

01-25-2006, 04:40 AM	#103 (permalink)
crxforum VM Administrator Posts: 3,336 Location: Kitchener Join Date: Feb 2005 Ride: 1990 Honda CR-X SiR Fav Mod: Ninterior Class: Street	On the night before the election Paul Martin, Steve Harper and Jack Layton are flying to Ottawa to prepare for the event. On the way there to pass time Jack Layton says: "If I take a $100 bill and throw it out the window of this plane It will make one person really happy. Steve Harper looks at Jack and says: "Well if I take 10 $10 bills and throw them out of the plane it will make 10 people happy wont it Jack?" Paul Martin looking over while rolling his eyes at both of them says: "Hell if I take 100 loonies and toss them off the plane I would make 100 people happy wouldnt I guys?" The stewardess is standing close and hearing the conversation and chimed in with her view: "Hey guys, if I took all 3 of you and tossed you out of the window of this plane I would make 30 million people happy so sit down and shut up!" CRX Forum ------------------ Honda CR-X If you need it I can get it.

01-25-2006, 10:10 AM	#104 (permalink)
m33how VM Member Posts: 4,183 Location: 519.London Join Date: Dec 2004 Ride: Mountain bike and Bus pass y0 Fav Mod: Class:	^^^^ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THATS THE BEST POLITICAL JOKE !! ------------------ Mike 93 Civic Si R.I.P

01-26-2006, 06:27 AM	#106 (permalink)
ChippedFire VM Member Posts: 5,044 Location: Cambridge, ON Join Date: Nov 2003 Ride: 1998 Pontiac Sunfire GT Fav Mod: Class: Street	A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in he realizes it's a gay bar. "What the heck," he says to himself, "I really want a drink." When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your willy?" The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink." The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of thebar calls his SNICKERS, because 'It really Satisfies." The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer,"Hey bud, what's the name of yours?" The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX." The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, " 'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!'" A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?" The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because "'Quality is Job One" Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?" The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY.....'Like a Rock!' And gives a wink! Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer." The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?" The cowboy says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN ------------------ T.J. 1998 Pontiac Sunfire GT 1990 Toyota Celica GT

01-27-2006, 01:32 AM	#108 (permalink)
waterloobiker VM Member Posts: 372 Location: waterloo Join Date: Jul 2004 Ride: 2002 acura rsx Fav Mod: Class:	A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix." The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost." They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh, yeah, sorry about that." the husband replied. "No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes- I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself." "OK, great!" the husband said. “I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem-it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife. "I want a house in every country of the world," she said. "Consider it done." the genie replied. "And what's your wish, genie?” the husband said. "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife." The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care." The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?" "35." she replied. "And he still believes in genies? That's amazing." ------------------ Jordan 2002 acura RSX

01-28-2006, 08:48 PM	#112 (permalink)
m33how VM Member Posts: 4,183 Location: 519.London Join Date: Dec 2004 Ride: Mountain bike and Bus pass y0 Fav Mod: Class:	^^^ hahahaahahaahaha thats a good one. ------------------ Mike 93 Civic Si R.I.P

01-26-2006, 01:14 AM	#105 (permalink)
Barky VM Member Posts: 2,740 Join Date: Aug 2005 Ride: ... Fav Mod: Class:	how many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? only one, but he'd rather sit in the dark and cry about it!

01-27-2006, 05:23 AM	#109 (permalink)
loui3 Regular User Posts: 156 Location: shakin all the money from yo pocket's! Join Date: Jan 2006 Ride: Fav Mod: Class:	Anyone hear about the new christina aguilera edition ipod?............................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .........It does the same thing's as all the other one's, But this one will suck your dick!:willynil:

01-27-2006, 07:38 AM	#110 (permalink)
loui3 Regular User Posts: 156 Location: shakin all the money from yo pocket's! Join Date: Jan 2006 Ride: Fav Mod: Class:	what's the difference between a park bench and a black guy? a park bench can support a family!

01-29-2006, 03:12 PM	#113 (permalink)
crxforum VM Administrator Posts: 3,336 Location: Kitchener Join Date: Feb 2005 Ride: 1990 Honda CR-X SiR Fav Mod: Ninterior Class: Street	What the good thing about having an emo lawn? It cuts itself. CRX Forum ------------------ Honda CR-X If you need it I can get it.

01-29-2006, 04:58 PM	#114 (permalink)
m33how VM Member Posts: 4,183 Location: 519.London Join Date: Dec 2004 Ride: Mountain bike and Bus pass y0 Fav Mod: Class:	^^^^ Lmfao !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! Best Emo Joke Ever . ------------------ Mike 93 Civic Si R.I.P

02-01-2006, 06:56 PM	#116 (permalink)
loui3 Regular User Posts: 156 Location: shakin all the money from yo pocket's! Join Date: Jan 2006 Ride: Fav Mod: Class:	A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp. 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook. 8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. 9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." 11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" . 12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,. 13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. 14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's. :willynil: :willynil: :willynil:

02-04-2006, 07:47 AM	#117 (permalink)
ryoni VM Member Posts: 1,470 Location: woodstock Join Date: Jul 2005 Ride: 1999 Chevrolet Suburban Fav Mod: Class:	thats a good one i have heard it b4 but still makes me laugh daddy junior and the spook!! ------------------ Ryan 99 Suburban-Daily Driver 94 Integra-SOLD

02-04-2006, 04:40 PM	#118 (permalink)
White Coupe VM Member Posts: 4,211 Location: Your Girlfriends Bedroom. Join Date: Nov 2003 Ride: 1996, Acura Integra Fav Mod: Air Freshener Class: All Out	and this is for the polish mafia on here ------------------ 96 Tegra Sergei PSA is for Communism and Nazi's. Last edited by White Coupe; 02-05-2006 at 09:21 PM.

02-06-2006, 06:34 PM	#119 (permalink)
CynCyn VM Member Posts: 668 Join Date: Aug 2004 Ride: soon to be updated Fav Mod: Class:	lol love the caw hahahaahah ------------------ CynNick,. "beware of spending your whole life jumping through hoops"

02-11-2006, 01:32 PM	#120 (permalink)
loui3 Regular User Posts: 156 Location: shakin all the money from yo pocket's! Join Date: Jan 2006 Ride: Fav Mod: Class:	Q: How do you confuse an archaeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.:hail: