Three men, an American, a Japanese and a Chinese went
for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating
and exhausted. When they came upon a small lake,
they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water,
since it was fairly secluded. Feeling refreshed, the trio
decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom."
As they were crossing an open area, suddenly a group
of ladies from town appeared.
Unable to get to their clothes in time, the American and
the Japanese quickly used their hands to cover their privates.
But the Chinese covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on.
The American and the Japanese asked the Chinese why he
covered his face rather than his private parts.
The Chinese replied, "I don't know about you, but in my country,
it's the face that people recognize."

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said,
"I 'll bet you that you can't tell me something which will make me happy and sad at the same time."


The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your dick's bigger than your brother's".

^^^ WOW, That is hillarious!!!

An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife:

"You comma to de front door of the apartamenta. I am inna apartamenta 301. There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow pusha button 301. I will Buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow pusha 3. When you get out, I'mma on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?

What . . ??. . . . .. You coming empty handed ??

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.

They loaded up in Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.

They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from..... "Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?
Now keep that smile for the rest of the day!

^^^That is awesome!!!